It's ok to be a follower...

I follow a woman online by the name of Laura Shumaker who blogs, tweets and authors articles from a very personal perspective on Autism. My initial introduction included a read of her book "A Regular Guy growing up with Autism". She's been especially active leading up to April 1st, the beginning of Autism awareness month (more on that soon) and posted recently on something that really resonates - whether you have a child with a disability in the house or not.

I share with you her top 10 lessons learned living in a home with a child who has Autism:

1) There is no such thing as a "weirdo". People that seem weird have challenges that are hard to understand.

2) People who seem different are probably very lonely.

3) There is nothing more valuable in this world than a well trained and compassionate teacher.

4) There are many more nice people in the world than there are not so nice people.

5) It's important to be flexible.

6) There is a fine line between patience and anger.

7) The house doesn't always have to be clean. And neat.

8) Yelling is bad. It always makes things worse.

9) Humor helps. A lot.

10) Everyone you meet has a story of their own.

11)Kindness and praise can defuse a difficult situation magically.

Amen.

Everything happens for a reason, huh?

I'm having a lot of trouble with this statement this week. Especially so, as it's usually my theme song, my mantra and the first in my bag of tricks to pull out. In fact (annoyingly) I use it on everyone else along with my other usual favorite phrase: It is what it is.

My reasonable self says it's true. There is a reason for all. We are not in charge of our destiny; there is a grander plan for each and every person on this earth. We are intended to accomplish specific tasks, impact each others' lives and I honestly don't believe it's without a master plan in play. I prefer to call the orchestration lead by God, others may choose Buddah or whomever. It doesn't matter, really. The honest answer is that everything happens for a reason and there is a greater being directing the pieces, the experiences and putting them together.

So, sometimes I have to ask (or demand/shout/tantrum) why so hard? Maybe it's my anal, planful self - but it sure would be nice to have a plan or roadmap to determine how long one must bob and stay afloat before the boat of "reason" comes through with a life vest. Map and timeline anyone?

Where is the love?

Oh, right here! Procured by my local artist, Jackson, during one of a few very long hockey game this weekend. Don't you think my name freaking rocks in bubble letters? Maybe it's just my fascination with the artist...

Maybe it was a butt dial....

So there's been a significant increase in "rent on demand" movies in our household lately. Matt received last month's bill and launched an inquisition - trying to figure out who's been renting what vs. heading out to the movie store to rent (cheaper). When you see titles that support kids films, well, it's not too hard to figure out.

Suffice it to say Matt's on the prowl. Yesterday Jackson and I rented Megamind (for once I was too lazy to leave) and as soon as Matt walked in the door Jackson announced "Mom did it! She rented it!" Did I mention Matt's shoes were not yet off?

Fast forward to today... when Megamind was on it's second showing in as many days. Funny part is, the rentals are only for a single day (gotcha, kid!). As we sat at dinner tonight, Matt asked "How do we have Megamind for a second day?" Jackson initially denied.. staring down at the table continuing to deny any involvement. The hamsters were runnning full speed in his head and he was clearly thinking hard on how to get out of it. Then, the light bulb went on and this is what we got:

"Well, it's completely possible that the remote was under a pillow and someone sat on it and, like, butt dialed the movie for a second day. Like, for real. I know that's possible."

It was then our turn to stare at the table to keep from bursting with laughter. Nice one, kid.

P-R-O-M

Talk about a surreal day... somehow I found myself in a formalwear shop looking at tuxes yesterday. You can easily guess - it's Prom time. *PROM!*

Standing in the shop, I was reminded of all the random high school-ness around Prom - which, by the way, seems like an eternity ago. The decisions being ultimately important, the match to the dress must be absoutely perfect. The thing I didn't see back then was the look on the faces of the kids planning this; it's actually priceless. Some of my favorite quotes:

- "What are tails?"
- (Upon seeing a jacket WITH tails): "It looks like a Superman cape that was blown up - where's the bottom of the jacket?"
- "Cufflinks? I guess?"
- Tyler: "I'm not wearing square-toed. I want round." (Girl): "Square." (Tyler)"I'll do square."
- Tyler: "I want a hat, it'd be awesome." (Girl): "No." (Tyler)"Ok, no hat."
- Tyler: "No, I get it. My Dad explained this Prom thing is really all about you (the girl). I'm supposed to say ok to everything."
- Tyler: "Can you PLEASE take your dress back and get orange? Look how awesome that would be!"
- (Coming from my boy's mouth): "I can't believe they don't have any REAL looking gold... I mean, how are we supposed to match this? Brown absolutely won't work."

Did I mention it was fun being there?

Sleep aides...

Babies fall asleep with binkies and blankies; big boys fall asleep like this.

Digging in the bins...

End of hockey season = planning a banquet with slide show.... and an email came asking for a baby photo and youth hockey photo to include in the presentation this year. I had a blast digging through bins... but was especially BLOWN AWAY by THIS:

Banned!

To Whom it May Concern,

I hereby ban breathing in our house... and outside of it, for that matter. To be clear, I speak specifically of the act of taking air in through the nose and out the nose/mouth.

Apparently the act of breathing also ensures germs are shared despite repeated attempts with Lysol, hand sanitizer and every other cleaning product's presence in seriously heavy use. I firmly blame breathing on the recent rounds of strep, pneumonia, walking pneumonia and my (current, suspected) sinus infection.

If we scale back in the breathing department, I will rest assured that germs will not be shared. Now, I wonder how I get the message out to the rest of the world?

Sincerely,

Mom of the house who is sick of sick

Adaptation.

Once upon a time there was a lovely woman who lived in a home with three lovely fellas.

On a most special occasion, the oldest fella surprised this lovely woman with a bouquet of lovely, long-stemmed roses. The red was a deep crimson, the smell reminded her of a fresh summer day and it made the woman smile just so. In an exhaustive search for the perfect place to display the flowering beauties, the lovely woman placed them in the center of the kitchen table so they could be admired with each and every passing from the adjoining rooms.

As the lovely woman did so, she had a vague recollection that the three lovely fellas had a particular affinity to watching television while generously snacking at the kitchen table. She thought "they'll adapt."

As time went on, the lovely woman found her flowering beauties displaced in sad, lonely places - no doubt a result from the three snacking fellas at the kitchen table. It was a shameful time - as they were found near the refrigerator, in a corner near the sugar canister and (*gasp*) on the counter nearest the trash.

So,she took matters into her own hands. She secured a scissors and adapted the beautiful long-stemmed blooms to a shorter version of themselves to create a flowering experience that could not, in any way, interfere with Television time. It's a good thing ONE family member was flexible!

Things we hear later....

Today we attended J's end of season hockey banquet. During the awards presentation, the coach had a speech. And, it was a good one. He had prepared thoughts on each player as he handed out a trophy bearing their name. Naturally, we always wonder what will be said, especially about Jackson. It can honestly be very.. um...ehhhh... well, unpredictable. I wonder... was he polite? Did he mind his manners? Did he say something really out there? Did he tick anyone off? I was immediately put at ease as the coach shared these words: "Loveable kid, constant positive energy, inspiration... and a kid who will always tell you where you stand." Then he shared a Jackson story.

They were in the locker room after a big loss. He was sharing words in a "coachly" disappointed, frustrated and loud voice... concern over plays, questioning what the plans were and working to motivate the team to play better next round. During all of it many kids heads were down and eyes glued to the floor. He noted as the kids filed out, one after the other, there was no eye contact or discussion of any sort until Jackson approached him. Jackson held out his hand and said "High Five Coach. Good job today." He said he was at a loss for words - and had no idea how to respond. Until then, he hadn't thought anything good about the game until Jackson pointed out to him that, in fact, it was a game and they'd do better next time.

The most important thing I heard today was this: "I know I coached him and he had a lot to learn - but he taught me something every time we were on the ice." Ummmm, yeah. What just happened - did my eyes get leaky?

Heroes.

Every kid has a hero. I think mine was wonder woman and I distinctly recall a green streak for those gold bands around her wrists. The boys have heroes here, as well. In fact, Jackson has really taken a shine to a fella by the name of Max. He graduated from Woodbury last year and played hockey - the kind of hockey that gets you a college spot, a USHL hockey team and a pick in the NHL draft to the San Jose Sharks.

This past weekend we orchestrated a long overdue trip for Jackson to see Max in action in Sioux City. Max took a big part in planning - game, locker room tour, dinner, meeting all the players and then (gasp!) on Saturday he skated practice with the team. It goes without saying that Jackson was so happy and grateful. 48 hours of bliss and man, what a lucky boy. We especially enjoyed all the smiling... his braces came off Friday! :-)

Hockey Weekend (on replay?)

This is going to sound crazy.

I'm not sure there's a single thing that can top a cool breeze from the North, the sound of skates digging into the ice and a puck hitting the boards in January. And, best of all - outside.

We spent a great weekend watching Jackson's SMP team play (and win) their outdoor tournament. We had an outstanding time watching the antics of overzealous parents (and man, there are always doozies!), dogs sneaking into the rink (my new favorite thing about this small association) and chalking up lines for the team-based hot dog eating contest.

And, check out the mug on this kid and family! 'Nuff said. Life is good.

Hands up!

This is an S.O.S. call to anyone out there cares about my well being.

I've been held up, shot, sniped, long-range hit and sabatoged by NERF guns since Christmas. Perhaps it's compliments of Tyler (who purchased the NERF sniper rifle for Jackson) or the delightful pack of six short range shooters from Auntie Dee and Uncle Frank. I am amazed at the magnetic draw these contraptions have - they're not just for kids. I've witnessed grown men and teenage boys join the fight this week!

Either way, I've had darts in my food, my bed, my shower, the fridge, my sock drawer, the dryer and (heaven forbid) my left eye FOUR times.

So this all leads to just one solution. I've decided the only way to manage the situation is.... to pick up a gun and start shooting back! Happy New Year!

Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas, Happy almost-new-year, Cheers all around.

Another year has slipped past, leaving us amazing memories and learning like no other. I like to think how smart we are as each year progresses - some will say it's rose colored glasses. Honestly, I'll be honest - I **rock** the rose colored glasses. :-)

There's plenty to read about our year, although it's been quiet late in the summer/fall. One word for you - Hockey. It's tightly woven into the fabric of our lives and we wouldn't have it any other way.

Wishing you a joyous holiday season. Much love - The Tuneys.

Exceeding expectations.

Many of you know about Jackson - the resillient kid who keeps on ticking. The funny, quirky kid who knows more than anyone on Star Wars, Football Cards and (you-name-it). The kid we love very much. The kid who has taught us a million things and to see the world differently, as he does. The kid who has Asperger's.

We expect a lot of things of Jackson. Countless hours of therapy, car rides to those appointments that would rival any frequent flyer account of a top level executive traveling the globe. We expect him to learn the skills he wasn't wired with like other kids. We expect him to miss class to attend social groups in and out of school. We hope for patience, taking an extra minute to respond (so the volcano words stay at bay!) and to tolerate other people on a bad day.

Along the way we've tried 'group stuff', especially sports, before. All the social experts put it near the top of the list of kids who are learning social cues to join in. I've always thought it an oxymoron - as these are the same kids who have trouble, socially and tend to be really literal. Put them with other kids and think through sports plays?!? Uh, ok. With not-so-good luck in baseball, football, soccer and 1/2 a season of hockey he opted out of, we couldn't have been more nervous when Jackson said he wanted to play hockey this year. NEVER more nervous after the coaches meeting to discuss 'player expectations.'

Then, there are parent expectations. Other parents want their kids to be the best. They want them to go out, do great, be champs, make unexpected plays and score. Matt and I have reflected that maybe we were those parents with our older kid. With Jackson, the goal is for him to want to go (usually a HUGE battle) and participate at a base level (simply BE there). Surprisingly, Jackson has continuously gone to hockey week after week with somewhat limited resistance. He always skates down the ice and practices, despite being the last kiddo in every drill.

So imagine our surprise last week. Jackson plays in games... and it's the kind of game where you'd like him to camp out somewhere to help the team, but not hinder progress. Jackson decided to plop out in front of the net. We were SHOCKED - Jackson scored a goal! I didn't see the celebration for the tears that were in my eyes and on my cheeks, although Matt and Tyler said it was great.

SO PROUD of our kid. The goal was great... but him being there for that moment was worth so much more. It really reminded me that I think we could all use a little bit of Jackson in all of us. Exceed expectations and surprise everyone. Do what others think you cannot - because in the end it's your strength and desire that really matter.

Random Jackson - Holiday Moment

I noticed the little Christmas Village set-up near the tree had been invaded this morning. Among the serene skaters and decorative houses were *many* Star Wars troopers, bots, teeny little blasters and weapons. The answer from J: "They were weary and stopped to rest for the night." Isn't that another Christmas story with ~other~ characters?

Giving Thanks

When Thanksgiving rolls around I think about what it is I should TRULY be thankful for... and mostly attempt to bring forward the things I take for granted in acknowledgement on a daily basis. The list is always big - health is a topper, family is equally important and from there grows a list that is amazing when I categorize and think about it.

In all of it, my thoughts are often drawn back to a Thanksgiving 10 years ago when we took Tyler to a quiet room of the house before dinner to announce a new baby's impending arrival. He consequently (and to our plan) announced it at the dinner table as something he was thankful for a new baby brother or sister.

In the years in-between, our lives have changed so much. And it is important to be truly thankful today for each minute in those years; the knowledge we've gained and that our family is amazing around us. I give thanks today for a great and lovely life, which could absolutely not be the same without my kids, family and friends.

Cheers and Happy Thanksgiving.

The Muffin.

I made muffins for breakfast yesterday - blueberry and cinnamon swirl. The cinnamon swirl was more an attempt to make sure Jackson would eat, as he's been really specific that he likes blueberries and bread - just not together.

With my niece Jessie and Sean in town, the muffins were a hit (thanks Betty Crocker - it's really pretty easy). Soon, the muffin pan dwindled to one muffin... and Jackson was getting nervous he wouldn't be able to eat another for breakfast this morning.

So, as I type, he's fishing the lone remaining muffin out of a cupboard - where it was safely hidden overnight for today's consumption. :-) The things we do to keep our kids happy..... (sigh!)

Tracking the kid.

You didn't actually think I'd just give him a license and set him free, did you? No. I'm too neurotic. My friend Andrea would say so... but follow up by saying I'm a good Mom and I care. Or something like that... still emphasizing neurotic.

Enter into the picture..... CellSafety. It's freaking brilliant. There are lots of different apps out there for gabillions of things- counting weight watchers points, getting sports scores, playing air hockey or connect four. I researched quite a few and fell in love with CellSafety.

This is a downloadable app that lives on the kiddo's phone. It measures, by GPS, important things. When the car exceeds a certain speed and when he's arrived at specified destination we receive text messages. But those are not the most important features. The most important feature is that this app blocks incoming text messages while the car is in motion. Again - freaking genius use of GPS and technology. The number one cause of accidents with teenagers is texting and driving... and I was beyond freaked about it. Even a good kid can be tempted... and we all know from the news that all it takes is one distraction to make that happen.

So, if you know of teenagers who are driving - try 'em out. We are piloting CellSafety... but there are many others: iZup,ZoomSafer, tXtBlocker... and more. It doesn't matter which you use - each has differing features you can pick from. The important thing is to teach safety to the next generation of lovely (but OH SO YOUNG) drivers. Life is precious and there's no better time to impress this than now.

Happy 16th Birthday, Tyler.

Yesterday marked the beginning of Tyler's sixteenth year on this earth. SIXTEEN!!I've hardly got words to recap where I think they went. As expected, Matt and I stared at each other wide-eyed wondering how he got so much older so quickly. We were especially wide-eyed as we sat at the DMV. We spent the morning at the DMV- Tyler scheduled himself to take his driving test the very second that he could. He practiced and is, in our opinion, a pretty good driver. But, he was nervous.

Then, weirdness. As he pulled away with the instructor, Matt turned to me and said "Do you hope he passes?" What a weird question, I thought. Of course I hope he passes.... but then again if he doesn't pass I'm guaranteed to be a ride. I'm guaranteed the protection of his safety. I'm guaranteed to know he's going where he says he'll be. I'm guaranteed he'll not raise the radio volume above the mandated number three (which I'm positive he did the second he could).



When he arrived back in the parking lot with the instructor he looked so stressed out. He wouldn't look at us in the eye. He was intent, with eyes fixed on the clipboard in the instructor's hands. I had major pangs of worry that he hadn't passed - that he had freaked out and failed something he was good at. BUT, in true Tyler form - he passed. With a grin the size of texas. Photos here for reference... in case you missed the bright spot in the Eastern metro yesterday.



The years seem to be going so fast. From the day we welcomed his rolly polly self to this world (and had no clue what to do with him) to all the years in-between... there isn't a moment we'd give back. We've been blessed with an easy going kid who loves us back. It's all we can ask for... so cheers for the birthday boy. And, a nice parting note: when he was trying to close the door to drive himself to school he gave me a monster hug. Then he looked at me and said "Mama, this birdie's gotta fly."